Women Don't Owe You Pretty, Florence Given

Women Don’t Owe You Pretty by Florence Given is a feminist novel that covers progressive topics in feminine discussion. The author talks about body image, toxic beauty standards, and finding oneself in a world filled with misogyny and sexism. She writes about the environment that women grow up in and how it has become a cycle for us to get stuck in the toxic standards and expectations that were placed by men. She based her title on a quote by Erik McKean that says “you don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your coworkers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’”. Given talks about how this quote has affected her life and gives the readers tips on how they can find their identity. The beauty standards that have been set for women are impossible for most people to achieve. Given notes what “pretty” constitutes. In the Western world, it is generally believed that someone 'pretty' is white, thin, and nondisabled. She stated, and made me realize, that whether she and I think that we are, or are not, attractive, does not matter. This is because we both “sit high on society’s scale of desirability” by being white, slim, and nondisabled. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging that ‘pretty privilege’ is real because once the problem is recognized, it can be fixed. She also talks about the stereotypes that have been formed about women, like how we cannot be both pretty and smart, how we cannot wear makeup and/or dress nice for ourselves, and many more.

This is honestly one of my favorite books. Not only was it inspiring to read about Florence Given’s journey in finding her true self, but it also taught me about the sexist struggles that I too have gone through that, until recently, seemed normal. She emphasizes that she also used to follow the ‘given rules’ that women must follow. Like dressing nice, but not too nice. And learning to say “no” to food as a young girl, before learning the importance of boundaries and saying “no” to people. Something that really stuck with me was when Florence said that she learned as a girl that it was more important for her to be an object of desire than it was for her to have her own needs met and be respected as a person.

            Sadly, at some point, all women have been hurt by prejudice from others. Even from other women. Given has a few chapters that focus entirely on overcoming insecurities and the tendency to find comfort in other women’s flaws. Often the most jealous of people are insecure. When you’re insecure, you like finding other people’s flaws and bringing others down so that you can bring yourself up. But this ‘tactic’ does not actually make you like yourself more, it just makes you hurt others while continuing to dislike yourself.

Florence Given wrote this book wonderfully, shedding light on the many important topics of feminism. I would highly recommend this book for anyone, even men, as it can teach us all multiple lessons about the toxic culture that our world has created. 

-Larissa